


What Have You Done

by Narina



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Songfic, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narina/pseuds/Narina
Summary: Their destinies are linked and Obi-Wan has time to think.





	What Have You Done

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NyeLung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyeLung/gifts), [amberglim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberglim/gifts).



> Originally posted in German [here](https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/556612c10000d51530d95adf/1/What-Have-You-Done-). I blame NyeLung and Papierrose, they are awesome but I also hate them in a very lovely way. Papierrose mentioned a fanvideo to this song but we couldn't find it again so I just had to write something.  
> Now, while translating, I realized (again) that this may sound shippy, so if you want to ship them in this, feel free.

The setting of the twin suns is always impressive but every gaze towards the young couple illuminated by this last light threatens to tear his heart out again. He doesn’t say good-bye, just turns around and walks into the desert, into his exile. Solitude awaits him and only pain keeps him company. Tatooine’s nights are cold but he barely realizes that as he stares at the few possessions he has. This was not home. Coruscant had been home, the Order and _Anakin_. All of that is gone now, dead and buried while Darth Vader lives on. 

_Would you mind if I hurt you?_  
_Understand that I need to_  
_Wish that I had other choices_  
_Than to harm the one I love_

It’s always the same pictures that jerk him awake before the suns can rise. Obi-Wan has long stopped counting the mornings eh spent meditating between the cliffs, trying to get rid of the ongoing nightmares. Trying desperately to forget about Vader because it’s Anakin he wants to remember. His apprentice, brother, friend. His trusted ally, not the creature he had been forced to fight on Mustafar.

He wants to remember the good moments, the years before the Clone Wars. The time in which he knew his student and darkness didn’t loom above them. He remembers Anakin’s smile and the joy in his eyes when he was happy. There’re quiet moments of peace that almost make him forget where he was but the memories keep coming back and even after weeks and months, he thinks he can still feel Mustafar’s heat. 

_What have you done now?_  
_I know I'd better stop trying_  
_You know that there's no denying_  
_I won't show mercy on you now_

Obi-Wan had wanted to hold back. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Anakin, had wanted to save and understand him but in the end he had not gotten a choice and he had not been able to deny anything. Vader had tried to kill him and Obi-Wan knew then as he knows now that he still has something to do. He had found a new purpose with Luke, so similar to his father and yet so different.

He waits because the Force isn’t done with him yet. His destiny is linked directly to Anakin’s, to that part of Anakin that is hidden deep beneath a black mask. The mask that is Vader’s public face makes it easier to separate him from Anakin. 

_I know I should stop believing_  
_I know there's no retrieving_  
_It's over now, what have you done?_

Love had been his mistake, over and over again, in so many ways but never with a happy end. Qui-Gon, Siri, Anakin. Names and memories and an ever breaking heart. He had trusted and hoped, against all odds, but in the end a part of him died with every one of them and now he is alone and filled with the regret of a thousand unspoken words. There is no way back and under the burning suns, he thinks of endless possibilities that will never be.

Even with Qui-Gon’s teachings, he has too much time to himself. Too much time to think. Sleep is a rare thing during these years, sleep without nightmares a luxury he can’t remember. Again and again, he sees how the fires burn Anakin along with his own heart. 

_What have you done now?_  
_I, I've been waiting for someone like you_  
_But now you are slipping away_  
_What have you done now?_  
_Why, why does fate make us suffer?_  
_There's a curse between us, between me and you_

He is Ben Kenobi, an old man, just a hermit on Tatooine. It’s not often that he meets Luke but sometimes he sees the boy and has to stop himself from calling him Anakin, though his hair is lighter and his mind still full of sunshine. Hope grows that all will be over before Luke is old enough but he knows it’s a fool’s hope. The future is painted in darkness and he can’t do anything about it.

It’s harder to keep the memories separated. Anakin and Vader become one, reality slips through his fingers like sand and yet he tries to focus, to keep hold of the last clear pictures he has. Anakin as a child, proud because of an accomplishment. Anakin as a teenager, laughing and carefree. Anakin during the war, his happiness fake and clouded in darkness. Anakin who … _Vader, over and over again. Vader and abyssal hatred_.

_Would you mind if I killed you?_  
_Would you mind if I tried to?_  
_'Cause you have_  
_Turned into my worst enemy_  
_You carry hate that I don't feel_  
_It's over now, what have you done?_

Something is happening. The Force is filled with a storm, with warnings and endless possible futures. The only thing certain is that Ben Kenobi must die. “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” he hears the echo of what he said decades ago. But not Anakin will kill him, Vader in his black mask will. Ben is ready. He has watched Luke and seen him grow up and now the time has come for his last trial.

_There is no death, there is the Force_

Just another test, another task Qui-Gon has given him. Another time facing _him_ , his best friend and worst enemy. Being ready doesn’t mean being happy about it.

_I, I've been waiting for someone like you_  
_But now you are slipping away_  
_What have you done now?_  
_Why, why does fate make us suffer?_  
_There's a curse between us, between me and you_

A smile is on his lips as he imagines Anakin’s eyes behind the mask, Anakin’s smile and the scar on his face. It’s quiet and when the red blade hits him, he feels something. Vader’s doubt or just Ben’s hope? Anakin, hidden behind the darkness, or Obi-Wan’s memory of the man he loves? Reality or an old wish?

He passes the trial even though it means sensing Luke’s desperation. Luke who is too young to face all this. Luke who, like his father, will never know how much Obi-Wan had loved his apprentice. How little he had wanted to take him in and how important the years together had turned out to be. It’s not over yet, he will wait and take the hand if it gets offered.

_I will not fall, won't let it go_  
_We will be free when it ends_

They are united in death. Master and apprentice, friends, partners, allies. Obi-Wan does not pay attention to the galaxy’s happiness, to the relief after the Emperor’s death. He watches the twins and the man by his side, _Anakin_ , he had been able to greet because he had been waiting. No more Sith, hatred or darkness. Just two Jedi, finally free. 


End file.
